Thirteen Ghosts (2001)::rating::2::rating::2::rating::2

You know you're in trouble when a movie's stylized title (Thir13en Ghosts) hurts your brain to process. Most of what follows is cacophonous and incoherent to the point of distraction. Like a Vegas casino, the plot of this film seems designed to get you lost: It takes place within a haunted house,…

ByTodd WoffordNovember 3, 20210Comments

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Fright Night (1985)::rating::4

Fright Night feels like a valentine, gift-wrapped in Halloween colors. Horror aficionados will revel in it, especially fans of the Lugosi-Karloff era. Everyone else can bask in the cozy glow of 80s nostalgia, replete with froofy hairdos and cheeseball one-liners. Few scary movies have ever provoked so much weightless joy. The story opens somewhere within…

ByTodd WoffordOctober 28, 20210Comments

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Dune (2021)::rating::3.5

Dune viewers will likely fall into one of two categories: The first are rabid devotees of Frank Herbert's epic novel, who've been frothing for a definitive cinematic adaptation. In the second group, you'll have...well, everybody else. For all my geekiness, I've never picked up Herbert's beloved book. I can't really explain…

ByTodd WoffordOctober 23, 20210Comments

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Aliens (1986)::rating::4.5

Aliens pulls off a unique feat in cinema history: With this sequel, James Cameron delivers a brawny masterwork that completely reorients the franchise, without distracting from the landmark film that preceded it. Ridley Scott's Alien had been a brilliant mind-screw that somehow delivered claustrophobic horror amidst the boggling expanse of space. Here,…

ByTodd WoffordOctober 19, 20210Comments

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Escape Room: Tournament of Champions (2021)::rating::3

Yes, Escape Room: Tournament of Champions is dumber than a box of sheetrock screws. And yes, it's pretty much the reheated leftovers of the first Escape Room. Yet, for reasons I can't fully articulate, I found myself entertained by it. Trust me, I'm as frightened as you are. I guess sometimes…

ByTodd WoffordOctober 18, 20210Comments

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Tremors (1990)::rating::3.5

Look beneath the gloriously goofy shenanigans in Tremors, and you'll find an undercurrent of pure innovation. After all, this film pioneered the freewheeling wackiness of horror-comedies like Shaun of the Dead and Tucker and Dale vs. Evil. Here, the filmmakers exact a careful balance of savvy and stupid, funny and frightening, and the…

ByTodd WoffordOctober 13, 20210Comments

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No Time to Die (2021)::rating::3

I can remember the exact moment my enduring love of James Bond was born: It was my freshman year, and a nasty case of strep throat laid me out for an entire week. Thankfully, it was the very same week that TBS aired their annual 007 marathon. That means every waking minute of my convalescence…

ByTodd WoffordOctober 12, 20210Comments

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Superman (1978)::rating::4.5

Superhero movies now occupy such valuable real estate on the topography of cinema history, it's hard to believe that an adaptation of Superman could ever have been an enormous risk. Sure, the character was already a cultural icon, even by 1978. At the same time, comic book characters had long dwelled in the…

ByTodd WoffordOctober 6, 20210Comments

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Free Guy (2021)::rating::3

Let me start this review with the sting of brutal truth: Just about any movie that has anything to do with video games makes me want to bash myself in the head with a 7 iron. For every entry that distinguishes itself as tolerable (Ready Player One, for instance), there are ten, twelve--no,…

ByTodd WoffordOctober 2, 20210Comments

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Con Air (1997)::rating::3

If an 8 ball of cocaine suddenly burst to life as any movie, it would be Con Air. Dense, sweaty, and startlingly eccentric, this is a unique cinematic experience that somehow elevates ferocious stupidity into an undeniable art form: It's like Picasso meticulously painting a scene from Baywatch, or a gorgeous arrangement of…

ByTodd WoffordSeptember 29, 20211Comment