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Movie Reviews by Todd Wofford— Funny, informative movie reviews

Todd Wofford

773 articles published

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After We Collided (2020)::rating::0.5::rating::0.5::rating::0.5

*Note: This is a re-upload of a review first published on November 19, 2020. After We Collided the dippy sequel to 2019's After effectively doubles down on everything that made its predecessor a mind-boggling, diaper-filling assault on the senses. Repugnant characters come back even more obnoxious. People speak in clunky, clattering dialogue…

ByTodd WoffordNovember 17, 20210Comments

Laughable The Latest

After We Fell (2021)::rating::0.5

After three horrifying After movies, I'll go ahead and say it: Nothing about any of this saga is romantic. If anything, these ugly, miserable, pedantic stories represent an all-out assault on the very idea of romance. In After We Fell, the lead characters spend 99 minutes screaming, sobbing, and aggressively trying to…

ByTodd WoffordNovember 16, 20210Comments

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Finch (2021)::rating::3.5

As we drift through the pandemic doldrums, one thing is becoming increasingly clear to me: Covid-19 has permanently altered us as a movie audience. When we see Finch Weinberg (Tom Hanks) ambling through the eerie stillness of a post-apocalyptic world, it hits differently now. His uneasy blend of loneliness, anxiety, and plucky…

ByTodd WoffordNovember 12, 20210Comments

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Eternals (2021)::rating::3

Compared to the twenty five movies that came before it, Eternals occupies the most distant orbit in Marvel's sprawling cinematic galaxy. We only hear a few references to Thanos and the Avengers, and even those feel wedged in by obligated screenwriters. This narrative independence means that Eternals can be judged largely on its…

ByTodd WoffordNovember 11, 20210Comments

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Eternals (2021) *spoilers::rating::0

Our discussion of Marvel’s Eternals was planned to be a mini-episode, but it turns out that each of us had a lot to say. So, we present you a full episode discussing the MCU’s latest offering. Spoilers abound, so do proceed with caution. This film is only in theaters, so if you haven’t seen it, do…

ByTodd WoffordNovember 10, 20210Comments

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Old (2021)::rating::1.5

It's fitting that M. Night Shyamalan based Old on a graphic novel entitled Sandcastle, as he builds the movie on an intriguing idea, only to spend 108 minutes letting it wash out to sea. And don't get it twisted: I've enjoyed Shyamalan's best work, and I really wanted to add this one to…

ByTodd WoffordNovember 6, 20210Comments

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Halloween Kills (2021)::rating::2

At the top of this review, I'm gonna need a little clarification: That 2018 Halloween--was it a soft reboot, a hard reset, a decent retread, or a spicy goulash that somehow combined all of the above? I do remember that David Gordon Green's version chucked all those umpteen sequels down the disposal and…

ByTodd WoffordNovember 4, 20210Comments

Laughable The Archive

Thirteen Ghosts (2001)::rating::2

You know you're in trouble when a movie's stylized title (Thir13en Ghosts) hurts your brain to process. Most of what follows is cacophonous and incoherent to the point of distraction. Like a Vegas casino, the plot of this film seems designed to get you lost: It takes place within a haunted house,…

ByTodd WoffordNovember 3, 20210Comments

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Fright Night (1985)::rating::4

Fright Night feels like a valentine, gift-wrapped in Halloween colors. Horror aficionados will revel in it, especially fans of the Lugosi-Karloff era. Everyone else can bask in the cozy glow of 80s nostalgia, replete with froofy hairdos and cheeseball one-liners. Few scary movies have ever provoked so much weightless joy. The story opens somewhere within…

ByTodd WoffordOctober 28, 20210Comments

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Dune (2021)::rating::3.5

Dune viewers will likely fall into one of two categories: The first are rabid devotees of Frank Herbert's epic novel, who've been frothing for a definitive cinematic adaptation. In the second group, you'll have...well, everybody else. For all my geekiness, I've never picked up Herbert's beloved book. I can't really explain…

ByTodd WoffordOctober 23, 20210Comments