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Movie Reviews by Todd Wofford— Funny, informative movie reviews

The Archive

Mar 2024

Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992)::rating::4::rating::4::rating::4

B ram Stoker’s Dracula pulls off a rare double feat. As directed by Francis Coppola, this vampire epic manages to be deeply reverential to the beloved source material, while…

Feb 2024

The Archive The Podcast

The English Patient (1996)::rating::4

I can still remember those heady days in 1996, when everybody this side of Elaine Benes swooned over The English Patient. To audiences and critics alike, Anthony Minghella's magnum opus…

Feb 2024

The Archive The Podcast

Gladiator (2000)::rating::3

D eep in the mine shafts of my brain, I keep a list of perfect movies. Deeper still, there's a list of perfectly awful movies. Below that, under hundreds of…

Dec 2023

The Archive The Podcast

Gremlins (1984)::rating::3

G remlins attracts more clashing adjectives than any other blockbuster of its era: It's both cute and disturbing. Clever, but also idiotic. There's Christmas cheer, but it's coated with the…

Dec 2023

Greatest The Archive The Podcast

The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)::rating::4

I n The Nightmare Before Christmas, producer Tim Burton and director Henry Selick deliver an amiably grimy little world, perfectly content with its own gurgling, soot-stained aesthetic. The monstrous characters smile and…

Nov 2023

Laughable The Archive The Podcast

Double Impact (1991)::rating::3

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." S o sayeth the Old Testament. Indeed, it turns out the best person to mold Jean-Claude Van Damme into a precise killing…

Nov 2023

The Archive The Podcast

Twins (1988)::rating::3.5

I t probably wasn't, but I like to imagine that Twins was concocted by coked-out studio executives on a beach somewhere. Slathered in sunscreen and blathering out of their minds, the…

Oct 2023

The Archive The Podcast

The Crow (1994)::rating::3.5

T he Crow will be forever defined by the tragedy that occured during its production. On March 31st, 1993, star Brandon Lee was shot and killed on the set, the result…

Oct 2023

The Archive The Podcast

Friday the 13th (1980)::rating::3

A s with many other influential movies, Friday the 13th carries the weight of everything it has inspired: We're talking sequels, a prequel series, reboots, and retcons, ripoffs, and rehashes. Along that…

Oct 2023

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Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem (2023)::rating::4

I can't decide if I'm the best person to write this review, or the worst. As a plucky young child, I saw the original Ninja Turtles flicks in the theater and…

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